Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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