i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
