who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just google imaged poop.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
