Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
