Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
