what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
