I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
