your room smells of hookers.
And success
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
