im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
