Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She bit a glass in half.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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