just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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