dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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