I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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