I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
