The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
