We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
