I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
being pregnant is like rehab
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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