Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
