my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
