I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
