I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
