I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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