i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
