My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
