I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
