There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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