my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
