Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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