apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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