We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just high enough for therapy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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