I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
