Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
