I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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