i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
