I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Of course I have a pirate flag
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
