I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want a musical about memes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
