I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
