I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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