He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
