At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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