you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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