My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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