I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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