Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
