Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
