On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
