their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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