Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Green mimosas i think yes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
