Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
