How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
