I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
