you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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