What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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