Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
