I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
