I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
